When it’s ninety degrees outside:

Go visit a friend who has a garden. Grab some beers and put them in a bucket filled with ice-cold spring water pumped from the well:

Then mow the lawn….

After the work is done, grab some more buckets, fill them with ice-cold spring water pumped from the well and take off your socks and shoes. Put your feet in the bucket:

Grab the cooled beer and enjoy….

I’ve always loved reading. Since I learnt how to read, I’ve been doing it at high speeds. I just love words…. Something about them fascinates me, I’ve always wondered why….

I recently completed a little side project where I can present some of my favorite “stuff” online, including some quotes that I really enjoy for various reasons. So, here are some quotes and why I like them:

Witty/Sarcastic/Humorous Quotes ~ A friend of mine likes to say that “quoting someone else is proof that you can’t think for yourself.” There may be some truth in this statement, but I don’t think quoting other people is a sign of ignorance or lack of intelligence. Instead it is a sign that you have taken the time to read and understand the words of someone else. These are some literary tidbits I really enjoy and like to quote.

In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not. ~ Albert Einstein

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. ~ Albert Einstein

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there. ~ Fred Allen

I am not a speed reader. I am a speed understander. ~ Isaac Asimov

I’m tired of people calling me a devil worshipper. It’s kind of pointless you know. Because if the Devil did exist, he’d be worshipping me, because I’m more successful than he is. ~ Marilyn Manson

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. ~ Thomas A. Edison

You should always go to other people’s funerals. Otherwise they won’t come to yours. ~ Yogi Berra

We made too many wrong mistakes. ~ Yogi Berra

“Truth Quotes” ~ Some quotes just state the truth, but the way they do it is amazingly beautiful….

All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts…. ~ William Shakespeare

Glory is like a circle in the water, Which never ceaseth to enlarge itself, Till by broad spreading it disperses to naught ~ William Shakespeare

The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it. ~ William James

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. ~ Thomas A. Edison

A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done. ~ Fred Allen

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher. ~ Ambrose Bierce

Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding. ~ Albert Einstein

Inspiring Quotes ~ These are similar to the quotes in the previous category. They make an inspiring statement. They make you stop and ponder. They can change the way you think. It’s amazing how powerful words can be.

The child who refuses to travel in the father’s harness, this is the symbol of Man’s most unique capability. ‘I do not have to be what my father was. I do not have to obey my father’s rules or even believe everything he believed. It is my strength as a human that I can make my own choices of what to believe ans what not to believe, of what to be and what not to be.” ~ Frank Herbert

We live in a society of victimization, where people are much more comfortable being victimized than actually standing up for themselves. ~ Marilyn Manson

Faith is universal. Our specific methods for understanding it are arbitrary. Some of us pray to Jesus, some of us go to Mecca, some of us study subatomic particles. In the end we are all just searching for truth, that which is greater than ourselves. ~ Robert Pirsig

I [may] disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. ~ Voltaire

You can observe a lot just by watching. ~ Yogi Berra

And now some of my all-time favorite quotes with special commentary:

“I am charged to say this to you. ‘I stand in the sacred human presence. As I do now, so should you stand some day. I pray to your presence that this be so. The future remains uncertain and so it should, for it is the canvas upon which we paint our desires. Thus the human condition faces a beautifully empty canvas. We possess only this moment in which to dedicate ourselves continously to the sacred presence which we share and create.’” ~ A beautiful quote from the Dune series by Frank Herbert where Jessica turns Fahid into a Bene Gesserit. “The future is a canvas upon which we paint our desires…. We posses only this moment in which to dedicate ourselves” to whatever we are living for! Amazing, uplifting, hopeful words… Just stop for a moment and think about it - you alone are in charge of what you are going to do with your future. Use that empty space, fill that canvas with stunning, harmonious colors, live your life how you want to, shape your future!

Beauty is essentially meaningless and it is always transitory. ~ Halle Berry. Aww, that’s just plain beautiful (and transistory).

All you need is one guy or girl to stand up and say “Fuck this!” and everyone goes “voice of a generation, thank you, I’ve been thinking that, I never had the guts to stand up and say it.” ~ Fred Rollins, Black Flag. This quote is from Punk Attitude, a documentary film about the history of punk rock. I like this quote so much that I’ve got it hanging on my wall at home. It’s even more amazing when you watch the film and hear Fred saying this - once at the beginning and at the end…. Inspiring “ohne ende!”

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. ~ Nietzsche. A very simple truth, simply stated and its beauty lies in its simplicity.

And now my all-time favorite, from Douglas Adams: “Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.” Think about it…. He’s right! It’s true! but at the same time, you know it isn’t. Just goes to show how powerful words can be….

Another one got caught today, it’s all over the papers. “Teenager Arrested in Computer Crime Scandal”, “Hacker Arrested after Bank Tampering”…

Damn kids. They’re all alike.

But did you, in your three-piece psychology and 1950’s techno brain, ever take a look behind the eyes of the hacker? Did you ever wonder what made him tick, what forces shaped him, what may have molded him?

I am a hacker, enter my world…

Mine is a world that begins with school… I’m smarter than most of the other kids, this crap they teach us bores me…

Damn underachiever. They’re all alike.

I’m in junior high or high school. I’ve listened to teachers explain for the fifteenth time how to reduce a fraction. I understand it. “No, Ms. Smith, I didn’t show my work. I did it in my head…”

Damn kid. Probably copied it. They’re all alike.

I made a discovery today. I found a computer. Wait a second, this is cool. It does what I want it to. If it makes a mistake, it’s because I screwed it up. Not because it doesn’t like me… Or feels threatened by me… Or thinks I’m a smart ass… Or doesn’t like teaching and shouldn’t be here…

Damn kid. All he does is play games. They’re all alike.

And then it happened… a door opened to a world… rushing through the phone line like heroin through an addict’s veins, an electronic pulse is sent out, a refuge from the day-to-day incompetence is sought… a board is found.

“This is it… this is where I belong…” I know everyone here… even if I’ve never met them, never talked to them, may never hear from them again… I know you all…

Damn kid. Tying up the phone line again. They’re all alike…

You bet your ass we’re all alike… we’ve been spoon-fed baby food at school when we hungered for steak… the bits of meat that you did let slip through were pre-chewed and tasteless. We’ve been dominated by sadists, or ignored by the apathetic. The few that had something to teach found us willing pupils, but those few are like drops of water in the desert.

This is our world now… the world of the electron and the switch, the beauty of the baud. We make use of a service already existing without paying for what could be dirt-cheap if it wasn’t run by profiteering gluttons, and you callus criminals. We explore… and you call us criminals. We seek after knowledge… and you call us criminals. We exist without skin color, without nationality, without religious bias… and you call us criminals. You build atomic bombs, you wage wars, you murder, cheat, and lie to us and try to make us believe it’s for our own good, yet we’re the criminals.

Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. My crime is that of judging people by what they say and think, not what they look like. My crime is that of outsmarting you, something that you will never forgive me for.

I am a hacker, and this is my manifesto. You may stop this individual, but you can’t stop us all… after all, we’re all alike.

1: I can change the wallpaper whenever I want. (Ich kann das Hintergrundbild wann immer ich will ändern.)

2: I never have to answer the proverbially difficult question “How do I look?” (Ich muss nie die “Wie seh ich aus?” Frage beantworten.)

3: It’s eating habits are non-existent. (Es hat keine Essgewohnheiten.)

4: It’s never envious. (Es kennt keine Eifersucht.)

5: My laptop doesn’t cheat on me. (Geht nicht fremd.)

6: It never needs “time for ourselves” or wants to do something with “just us two.” (Es braucht nie “Zeit für uns” oder “ein Abend nur zur zweit”.)

7: It quickly get’s hot when I turn it on…. (Wenn ich es anmache wird es schnell heiss….)

8: It never says “Not now!” (Sagt nie “Bin nicht in Stimmung”.)

9: My laptop doesn’t spend hours in the bathroom and couldn’t give a **** in which position the toilet seat is. (Verbringt nicht Stunden im Badezimmer und ****** auf die Position der Klobrille.)

10: When all else fails, my laptop has volume control and an OFF button (Wenn nichts mehr übrig bleibt, dann hat mein Laptop einen Lautstärkeregler und einen AUS Knopf.)

From LifeReboot:

Reason #10 - Most Of Your Accomplishments Are Invisible
The computer guy never hears anyone tell him, “I just want to let you know … everything is working fine!”
The reality is that people call the computer guy when something is wrong.
As a computer guy, if you work really hard to make everything work the way that it should, and things work fine, then people believe you don’t do anything. Everything you manage to get working correctly or do perfectly will forever remain unnoticed by computer users. They’ll only ever notice that you do anything when something isn’t working correctly, and you are called upon to fix it.

Reason #9 - Every Conversation You Have Is Roughly The Same
When the computer guy dares to mention what he does for a living, the typical response is, “I have a question about my home computer…”
Or when the computer guy first hears about a widespread problem within the computer network he’s responsible for, he can barely begin to assess the problem before a dozen other people call to report the same problem.
Or when the computer guy explains a certain process on a computer to a user who is incapable of retaining the process, he will inevitably need to reinstruct the user of this same process — indefinitely.

Reason #8 - You’re An Expert Of Bleeding-Edge Technology Products, Aren’t You?
The computer guy often finds himself in situations where someone is asking him for advice on a pending investment of the technological variety.
“I heard about (some hardware or software product) that can do (something desirable) for me. I brought you these (advertisements/reviews/printouts) because I wanted your recommendation. Which would you buy?”
Although the inquiring person sincerely trusts the computer guy’s judgment over their own, in almost every instance the real objective of these meetings is to ensure their own immunity from making a risky purchase.
If it turns out to be a bad investment, and they cannot get (the hardware or software product) to do (anything desirable), then you will be their personal scapegoat — “But honey, the computer guy said I should buy it!”

Reason #7 - Your Talents Are Forcibly Undervalued
Thanks to the constantly declining price of new computers, the computer guy cannot charge labor sums without a dispute. If he asks to be paid what he is worth, he will likely be met with the “why not buy new?” argument.
That is, desktop computers are always getting smaller, faster, and cheaper. It’s possible to purchase a new desktop computer for under $400. If the computer guy spends five hours fixing a computer and wants $100/hour for his time, his customer will be outraged, exclaiming “I didn’t even spend this much to BUY the computer, why should I pay this much just to FIX it?”

Reason #6 - You’re Never Allowed A Moment’s Peace
The computer guy is so prone to interruption that he rarely finds an opportunity to work on his own problems. This is because:
1. Computers never sleep.
2. Computer problems aren’t scheduled.
3. Every problem takes time to diagnose.
4. The computer guy can only give one problem his full attention.
5. Each user believes their problem deserves attention now.
Consequently, the computer guy has a 24/7 obligation to keep critical computer systems running, while simultaneously juggling everyone’s problems. He’ll often need to forfeit any opportunities to tend to his own needs for the sake of others — because at any moment, of any day, he can be interrupted by someone who wants to make their problem his problem.

Reason #5 - People Ask You To Perform Miracles
The computer guy is often mistaken for someone who possesses the combined skills of an old priest and a young priest. I’ll sum this up easily by example:
“No, I really can’t recover any files from your thumb drive, even if you did find it after it passed through your dog.”

Reason #4 - Your Assumed “All-Knowing” Status Sets You Up To Let People Down
There is no common understanding that there are smaller divisions within the computer industry, and that the computer guy cannot be an expert in all areas. What makes things worse, is when the computer guy attempts to explain this to someone asking for help, the person will often believe that the computer guy is withholding the desired knowledge to avoid having to help.
This is somewhat related to the next reason:

Reason #3 - You Possess Unlimited Responsibility
The computer guy is expected to solve problems. It is difficult to determine the boundaries of that expectation.
Some of the oddest things that I’ve been asked to do include:
1. Use pirated software to undelete important company files.
2. Create an Intranet, after explaining I didn’t know how to.
3. Teach someone how to hide their pornography collection.
Solving problems can range from replacing batteries in a wireless keyboard to investigating why the entire building loses power at the same time every morning. Resolutions can necessitate weaving a 50-foot cable through a drop ceiling, or wriggling under a house on your belly to add an electrical outlet.

Reason #2 - A Life Of Alienation
People only talk to the computer guy when they need him to fix something. Also, when the computer guy approaches a user, they’ll hop up out of their chair under the presumption that he’s there to fix something — as if it would never be expected that he only wants to strike up a conversation.
The fact that the computer guy never gets a moment’s peace can also practically force him to withdraw into solitude. His co-workers don’t understand that he doesn’t want to hear about their computer problems during his lunch hour — he does that every other hour of the day. That’s why the computer guy eats lunch alone with his door closed, or goes out to eat every day — not because he’s unfriendly, but because he needs to escape the incessant interruptions.

Reason #1 - You Have No Identity
It’s an awful experience when the computer guy shows up at a neighbor’s doorstep with a plate of Christmas cookies, only to have the child who answered the door call out, “Mom, the computer guy is here!” He begs for an identity that is not directly associated with computers, but “the computer guy” label walks ahead of him — it simply cannot be avoided. I was given a name and I’d love to be addressed by it.

OK, here’s my response to a few of the reasons:

Reason #10 - Most Of Your Accomplishments Are Invisible
The author is not the only one who has this problem. One of my IT-Economics teachers also loves to rant about this one and I can only agree with the both of them. “The reality is that people call the computer guy when something is wrong.” And when it’s been fixed again…..

Reason #9 - Every Conversation You Have Is Roughly The Same
Yup, repeating yourself is definitely a big part of being a Computer Guy.

Reason #7 - Your Talents Are Forcibly Undervalued
What is so hard to understand about this one. Your computer may have cost only 400, but running and maintaining it costs more!!! What is actually the difference between a car and a computer? A car also constantly needs fuel and repairs. SO DO COMPUTERS!!!

Reason #6 - You’re Never Allowed A Moment’s Peace
Too true… *yawns*
“… the computer guy has a 24/7 obligation to keep critical computer systems running, while simultaneously juggling everyone’s problems. He’ll often need to forfeit any opportunities to tend to his own needs for the sake of others.” OK, this is where I get off. My digital life will never take priority over any aspect of my social life (yeah right)….

Reason #5 - People Ask You To Perform Miracles
“the combined skills of an old priest and a young priest”…. I was once asked to recover photos from an SD card out of a camera that had been run over multiple times. The card was broken into two pieces (”can’t you glue it back together”)…. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the fact that people have so much trust in me, but, see #4…..

Reason #4 - Your Assumed “All-Knowing” Status Sets You Up To Let People Down
Compare a computer guy to a doctor. I wouldn’t want a Podiatrist operating on my liver or stomach. So why do people expect me, a web designer, to optimize Pascal code algorithms. Just because I use a computer for my work doesn’t mean that I can do everything that one can possibly do with a computer. Podiatrists and Surgeons also both use rubber gloves…..
“…the computer guy is withholding the desired knowledge to avoid having to help.” Just because we can’t solve your problem doesn’t mean we hate you…..

Reason #3 - You Possess Unlimited Responsibility
“1. Use pirated software to undelete important company files.” - check
“2. Create an Intranet, after explaining I didn’t know how to.” - check
“3. Teach someone how to hide their pornography collection.” - check

Reason #2 - A Life Of Alienation
Hmmm. No comment….

Reason #1 - You Have No Identity
Hmmm. No comment….

But, I still love my job and the positive experiences - the warm fuzzy feeling of success when your design FINALLY looks the same in IE6 + 7 and Firefox, and being able to say “PWNED” after delivering a perfect headshot. Landslide victory - I AM A COMPUTER GUY AND I’M LOVIN’ IT!!!!